You know what I dislike more than feeling sick all day every day?
Listening to myself boo hoo about it in my head, to my sweet husband, and to any unlucky friends who happen to have lined my battlefield these last two weeks. I sincerely apologize for my lack of self control, and personal hygiene.
I am turning over a new leaf.
I was reading my journal this morning. It took me back to a time when I felt earnestly morning ill with little Milo, but overshadowing the semi-hilarious account of my gray diet and daily gas-position was an honest and sincere expression of complete gratitude for the miracle of life that I was carrying. I gushed love onto those lined pages, and withheld complaint. I remember loving pregnancy…because I really did.
I’m ready to love it again. Every sour stomach and sleepless night and hundredth bowl of multigrain Cheerios. I have thought about and prayed for and dreamed of this little baby for a long long time. And I have suffered the loss of such hope too deeply to not be simply overwhelmed with peace of mind and peace of body that come with this-so far healthy- pregnancy.
I have never been better at anything than being a mother. It brings a smile to my face and warmth to my heart every single day. Every single hour. I am going to be happy for Milo, be happy for Dave, be happy for my friends and angels who have taken care of my every need these last several hard days. Most of all, I am going to be happy for myself. This is what I am made to do.
I will do it well.
Be all you can be.
The Army.
Just kidding, I was getting a little carried away there!
Really, the point is that I am ready to get over myself and just enjoy the good the bad and the ugly of life. That’s what we all have to do anyway. And I get a new little baby out of the deal, so not to shabby, huh?
So, maybe I’ll see you more, again.
If not, just know we’re smiling:)
