Episode 109: Word Swap Magic
Show Links
Perk Chill (use LIVEFREE15 FOR 15% OFF)
FOCL.com CBD OIL
Introduction to Word Swap Magic
Hello there. Welcome back to Live Free Creative. I’m your host Miranda Anderson, and you are listening to episode 109 Word Swap Magic. I have been thinking about this episode for over a year, and I finally decided this is the week to talk about it. I’m so thrilled to have you here listening and hope that some of the things that I share today, make a small impact on the way that you see your life and the way that you start to use your words with a little bit more intention.
As we get started today, I want to share some quick peaks of the week that all have to do with winding down and going to sleep peacefully. This is has nothing to do with the rest of the episode, but it is something that I have been working on, especially as we’re going into the school year. We’re more in the thick of it. We’ve started homeschooling. And I realized that my sleep is so important because it allows me to then begin the next day with the enthusiasm and energy that I want to. So there’s a couple fun products that I have been using lately that I have found really help with my wind down and it’s become part of my sleep routine. And I wanted to share those with you. Here’s a couple of weeks of the week.
Peaks of the Week:
PERK CHILL (use LIVEFREE15 for 15% off)
The first peak of the week is a sister product to something that I shared a few weeks ago. I talked back then about perk energy and how I was using this really great high energy, low calorie, high protein beverage. In my morning routine. What I have started to use regularly as well is Perk Chill in my evening routine. And I had tried it a handful of times in the past, but I got myself a full canister of it, so I could start using it more regularly. And it has all of the same nutritional benefits of the morning perk the energy. It is lowering calories. It’s high in protein. It’s got a bunch of other great nutritive properties, and it includes a high level of magnesium and B six, so that it starts to kind of chill you down, perk chill at the end of the day and help prepare your body for sleep.
The flavor that I have that I love is mint hot chocolate. Now I often, especially in the cooler months, drink tea or hot chocolate before bed to kind of help wind down, although regular hot chocolate, I don’t think winds you down at all. I mean, it feels really cozy and nice, but it doesn’t necessarily help soothe your, your physiology into sleep. This is where the Perk Chill has been so nice because has less calories and more protein than a regular cup of hot chocolate that you like to enjoy.
You know, as the nights get cooler and you kind of code cozy up and read a book with your hot chocolate, but this also in addition gives you some soothing nutrients to help your body go to sleep. So I’m loving it and an added bonus since the last time that I talked about perk, I now have a discount code for you.
So at any time on any order, you can go to Perk and use the code live free 15 to take 15% off any order. So I mentioned that one of the things that’s tricky for me is the paying for shipping. We’re in such an Amazon age, when you have 15% off an order, all of a sudden the shipping becomes a lot less and it makes it a little bit easier pill to swallow, especially if you’re trying it as a new product that LIVEFREE15 is also good. if you’re ordering sample packs, which is really fun perk. You can order like a variety pack of a bunch of different flavors, and they’re all just these single serving envelopes. And so I’m, I’m excited to try a couple of different flavors than the ones that I already am trying and love. If you feel like you could use a little bit chill in the evenings and you love sipping on a hot chocolate beverage, like I do go ahead and try Perk Chill.
I think they have other flavors too, but I’m just like a chocolate girl. So I think there’s like a blueberry pie or pumpkin spice. And none of those light me up the way that chocolate does. So I don’t have experience with those, but I can vouch for the perk chill, hot chocolate, minty goodness flavor. That’s my first pick of the week.
The second one is something that I’ve been really curious to try, and I’ve been really impressed with their results. So this is a CBD oil. Have any of you use CBD oil? CBD is chemical that’s derived from the hemp plant and it’s become really popular over the last year or so. I’ve heard about it in lots of different products and lots of different ways to use it. And the overwhelming sort of idea and consensus is that it’s this, it has some really gentle properties that can help enhance your cellular, your cells, response to other things that go along with it.
So there are some CBD oils that are used in combination with other natural oils and essences to help keep you focused or help sort of magnify your ability to pay attention to something. There’s others that are used primarily for anti-anxiety and soothing for, for those types of worries. And then there are some that are formulated in a way that helps you have a easier and deeper sleep.
I had a company reach out to me, focal F-O-C-L to see if I would like to try some of their CBD oil serums. And because I had already been curious about it and thinking about it, I was like, “Yes, I totally want to give it a try!” Now, Focl is a company there’s like anything in sort of the herbal supplement world. There’s not really an oversight. There’s not like a governing body that makes sure that everything’s pure.
And that’s one of the critiques that you’ll run into with something like oil or, or even any type of essential oils. One of the things I noticed right off the bat looking at Focl’s website was the way that they are independently tested in a variety of ways. And they’re oil has a zero. So percent is like 0.0, zero one or something percent of the THC component, which that is the component that sort of the psychoactive component of hemp that most people would. I mean that you recognize as like what people use when they use marijuana is that sort of psychoactive property, focal, CBD oils don’t have any of that.
So it’s very pure and it’s been a nice natural herbal calm in the evenings. I put a little dropper of it under my tongue and wait for a few. I think it’s like 45 seconds. I usually just am doing something else, me putting on my pajamas while I hold that under my tongue and then brush my teeth and I’m ready for bed.
I noticed that I have been sleeping deeper and more comfortably, which has been really helpful. So if that’s something that you have been struggling with, you can check it out at focl.com. I’ll link it in the show notes for you.
PAPER BOOKS
The last peak of the week, I want to mention for your wind down is reading a paper book. We are also addicted to our screens and we buy a lot of people like reading online. I actually have not really been a fan of online reading. Sometimes I listen to audio books, but I do love to read paper books, especially lately. I’ve noticed that if I will turn off a show, if I’ve been watching a show, if I turn that off and put my phone down and pick up a paper book and bring that to bed with me, which is part of my habit.
Anyway, I love to read paper books and often read before bed. I’ve gotten a lot of questions on Instagram lately, about how I read. So often I just finished my 76th book for the year, which I don’t think reading is about quantity at all, but it’s been interesting. This is the first time I’ve ever tracked the books that I’ve read like in this way. And then it’s been interesting to see that I do. I go through about a book and a half to two books a week, mostly because I’m reading in some spare time during the day. And also because I read in the evening, I do choose selectively at night. If I want to read a book and be able to fall asleep, I’ll usually choose a nonfiction that is a little bit more thought provoking and not a fiction because I get so drawn into fiction.
Sometimes I’ll stay up all night reading the story. I know some of you relate to that. If I choose a nonfiction, sort of a more calm nonfiction before bed, I noticed that I can get through a chapter and my eyes start to droop. And I put my bookmark in and put the book down and I’m able to fall right asleep. So if you need a little bit of adjustment in your evening routine, you could try per chill. You could try a little CBD oil. Focal is the brand that I’ve been using. And you can also just pick up a book and see if it helps send you off to Lala land. Those, my friends are my peaks of the week.
Replacing ‘But’ with ‘And’
Today’s topic was introduced to me for the very first time, probably three or four, probably four or five years ago. Now I forget I’ve been enrichment for over three years, which feels a little bit bizarre in some ways it feels like I’ve been here forever. In some ways it feels like I just moved. I can track some of my memories too, before Virginia and after Virginia and the memory of this topic dates to before Virginia.
I remember sitting in my office in Texas, I was sewing something, working on a sewing project and listening to the Jess lively show, which I don’t believe that she still has an active podcast, but I listened for years to the lively show. And Jessica lively mentioned how she was really paying attention to her language and the importance of the words that she used. And one word swap that she was dedicating herself to was the replacement of the conjunction and in place of the conjunction.
But many of you have maybe heard of this before. I had not heard of this idea. And it was really interesting as I started to notice for the first time, how much of an impact that small word swap made on the way that I felt about some of the things happening in my life.
(By the way, I just have to mention as an aside, that the only reason that I’m using the word conjunction is because in homeschool this week, Milo and I talked about conjunctions and I was like, Oh, and, and, or, and, but those are all the things I’m going to talk about on the podcast and turns out that’s what they are conjunctions.)
A Conjunction Connects Two Ideas
A conjunction is a word that combines two ideas, two complete phrases. So usually in a sentence, a compound sentence will have one idea and then a conjunction that links that idea with the following idea.
If you think of the different times in your life that you use the word, but B U T usually it’s to explain or to share two somewhat opposing ideas or things that you feel like don’t fit together. Well, an example might be, if you were to say, “Miranda, I love your podcast, but sometimes it’s a little long.”
What that does is link the idea “I love your podcast with the idea.” “It’s a little long for me.” And the way that you use that linking word, that conjunction really changes the sentiment when you use the conjunction, but you’re basically canceling out whatever the first statement is. “I love your podcast, but…” that, but erases all of what has come before and replaces it with the next phrase, which is sometimes it runs a little long for me in that case. The main idea of the sentence is your podcast is too long.
No one has said this to me. And although some of you may feel like that. I’ve also heard the opposite that some people would want the podcast to be two hours long every week. So I don’t feel really any way about it. Sometimes a lot, the show’s a little longer. Sometimes the show is a little shorter. The point that I’m trying to make is if someone were to replace the but with, and it doesn’t have that same canceling out property. “Miranda, I love your podcast, and sometimes the little long for me.” instead of canceling out the loving it, it enables both ideas to remain true at the same time. Now that might be a silly example.
Let me use another one. I love you, but you’re driving me crazy today. Has anyone ever felt like that? About a loved one?
“I love you, but you’re absolutely driving me crazy.”
Whether your husband or your kids? What happens when you put the “but” is that we automatically expect the negative. You’ve given the positive, and then you sort of diminished the positive by contradicting what you said with the “but” before you issue, what will certainly be, what has gone wrong. “You’re driving me crazy today.”
Consider this, “I love you, and you’re driving me crazy today.”
In that sentence, both things remain equally true. I love you. And that love is not diminished at all. And you’re driving me a little crazy today. It’s such a small, simple thing that most of us wouldn’t necessarily even consider it. It makes a huge impact.
I want to go through and give you a few more examples to help illustrate this idea. Here’s an example of using but.
I’m usually a happy person, but today I’m feeling pretty sad.
See how that takes away from the idea that I’m usually happy because of my sadness, because of what’s happening today.
That diminishes my overall happy percentage, where if I say I’m usually a happy person, and today I’m feeling a little sad that enables both things to be true. At the same time, I can be a happy person and have sad days. Happy people also have sad days. It doesn’t take away. I don’t hop out of being a happy person on the days that I’m sad, because even happy people are sad. Sometimes happiness and sadness can exist in duality together.
It doesn’t have to be either/or. It’s really empowering to start to bring some nuance into the combinations of complication, complicated feelings and emotions and ideas that can exist at the same time and both be true.
Here’s another one: “I believe in Christ, but I find truth in other places.”
That statement and takes away from my Christianity that I dismiss some of my Christianity because I am able to find truth in other things.
Whereas if I say, “I believe in Christ and I find truth in other places.” I allow all of those truths to be meaningful and effective for me.
“I’m a good mom, but I let the kids watch a lot of TV.”
Does anyone feel that one? I’m a good mom, but it takes away. It’s like mom demerit. I’m a good mom, but I get all the mom to merits because of let the kids watch a lot of TV. Whereas I’m a good mom. And I let the kids, I watch a lot of TV means that letting the kids watch a lot of TV in any way, take away from me being a good mom, good moms can let their kids watch TV. This actually came up in a coaching call earlier today and we sort of were laughing about this idea that where did the idea come from? Why do we all believe that the less screen time your kids have the better mom you are. It’s like a competition to see who can have their kids use screens the least.
Or people say, you know, I’m having a hard day, so my kid is being babysat by Netflix. Maybe that’s great. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe you’re a good mom and a super smart mom that, you know, have all of the resources and tools that you can use to engage your kids so that you can get a break.
Maybe a good moms, let their kids watch their favorite shows every single day because they know it brings them happiness. And it also gives mom a break. It’s so interesting how this little tiny word swap can open a hole box of possibilities for beliefs that you didn’t even know were available to you.
One huge place that you find that contraction ‘but’ very often is when someone’s giving a compliment with a caveat.
For example, you might say, “You’re doing a really good job at work, but you need to be on time more often.”
Needing to be on time is taking away from the idea that you’re doing a good job. It’s again like that demerit we’re diminishing how good of a job you’re doing because you’re late. Sometimes. Maybe that is what you mean, but you need to be clear that that’s what you’re saying, where when you say you’re doing a really good job and you need to be on time, that person has some motivation and understands that they’re doing a really good job. And that might be part of why they need to be more on time or that will add to it. That one doesn’t cancel out the other.
Dialectic Means Two Opposing Truths Can Be True Simultaneously
There’s a word in psychology that is called dialectic. It’s the idea that two opposing truths can be true simultaneously. Now this is one thing that might be hard to wrap your head around the idea that something can be good and bad, that something can be helpful and harmful that something can be healthy and unhealthy.
When I say it like that, it’s like, oh yeah, of course we can all think of things that are healthy and unhealthy and the way that you use something, the attention behind it, the frequency, all of those things add into the overall effect of anything on our lives. It’s really interesting to consider holding opposing truth simultaneously in our lives. That’s something that requires a level of maturity that some times people aren’t quite ready for. We talk about black and white thinking. Something is either black or it’s white. It’s either right, or it’s wrong. And you have to choose which side you’re on.
Now in this year in particular, there are so many issues that have seemed to divide us down the middle and people are feeling like they have to choose a side. And once they’ve chosen a side, they have to be all in and agree with every piece of that side.
The Binary of Either/Or Is a Lie.
That is simply not true. The binary of either/or is a lie, most things exist in the gray area.
Most things are not 100% black or 100% white that does not enable any space for nuance or for context or for wholeness.
The truth is that most things have opposing pieces that is part of life and it’s okay to live somewhere in the middle. It’s okay to not be 100% in, in really anything. I think that we try to strive for this idea of perfectionism, even in our opinions, in our thought processes. And that is really challenging. It’s really challenging because as humans, we also are just not going to be perfect. We will be a jumble of this and that up and down, happy and sad all at the same time.
The closer we get to accepting and really embracing the use of and/both that will help us feel like we belong even more fully to ourselves because we won’t try to discount to the pieces of ourself that don’t fit with the vision of the way we think that we’re supposed to be, if that makes sense.
I think that I’ve explained this idea and you get an understanding of exchanging the ‘but’ for ‘and’ and allowing the wholeness of both of those ideas to exist. Not taking something away from our first statement, by opposing it in our second instead, allowing both to be true at the same time.
Swapping ‘And’ for ‘Or’
The next word swap that I want to mention that is equally as powerful is using the word ‘and’ instead of the conjunction ‘or.’ Sometimes we use the word or when, what we mean is ‘and’. ‘Or’ implies a choice. Either/or it’s this or that it’s one or the other. We more often than we think have the option of choosing both.
I talked about this a little bit, a couple of weeks ago when I was speaking to Rupa Singh about Sustainability. So many of us really believe in sustainability and we want to take care of the planet. And we also have a carbon footprint and we make a negative impact through some of our choices. You don’t have to shop at the farmer’s market or shop at a regular grocery store. You can shop at the farmer’s market and shop at a regular grocery store.
The choice doesn’t have to be only one or the other. Another example is you don’t have to be 100% healthy all the time with the food that you eat or eat junk food all the time. You can eat healthy and adore French fries, which is where I find myself a lot of the time.
You can love your body and want to lose weight.
You don’t have to be super body positive and love your body. And that means that you are so happy with it that you don’t want to change it at all. You can love it and want to lose weight or exercise a little bit more. It’s not one or the other.
A lot of times this particular conjunction comes up. When we’re asked about things, opinions or ideas or preferences, someone will say, do you want ice tea or lemonade? Do you want water or Coke? In some cases the, or really does mean one or the other. You have to make a choice in a lot of cases, you can say both.
The primary emotional use of this though…the swap really has nothing to do with what you’re ordering, because of course order whatever you want. And as many as you want, right? It is so helpful to understand that when we’re faced with choices about defining ourselves, defining ourselves, that we recognize, and/both as a possibility.
You can be very realistic about the future and also choose to be optimistic.
They don’t have to be mutually exclusive. You don’t have to be negative or positive. You can be positive and negative. Depending on the context, you can see what actually is happening through a neutral lens and also choose to really embrace the good that you see coming of it.
You can be a good friend and spend most of your time with your family.
You can be a great mom…I’ll go back to that because I think so many of us sort of struggle sometimes with the identity that we form around our motherhood.
You can be a great mom and spend two weeks a year by yourself on an island. You can do and choose more than one option.
You can feel the whole range of emotions.
You can be really savvy as a business owner and still lose money.
You can be a total beginner and still have a ton of confidence.
You can be serious and funny.
The language that we use creates the ability to make space for the whole human experience. We can be so many things at the same time and all of them can be equal and important and truthful.
In a different coaching call today with one of my coaching clients, my creative mentees, we were going over the idea of other people being both mean and kind. And is that a possibility.
Are there people in your life that you identify as unkind, maybe because of some interactions you’ve had with them or because of some things that you’ve heard about them, is it possible that they can be unkind and also be nice to some people. If we allow for that and/both in other people, our ability to allow for the and/both in our own life also increases, we feel more comfortable holding space for multiple opposing truths to be true.
At the same time, we can be in pain and feel a lot of hope.
I think those are two really opposing feelings that a lot of people are struggling with right now. Can you be hopeful for the future, even through discomfort, pain and sadness? Yes. You can be both.
This is such an easy word swap.
Using and instead of but more often when you need it to add inclusivity, add connection, add support, and wholeness into your life and into the lives of those who you’re speaking with.
Give it a try!
I want to invite you to give it a try. You’ll notice, right after listening to this, you’ll start to notice the buts and ors and how they show up so often in our conversations. And you may notice how good it feels to acknowledge the both to acknowledge the and to allow multiple opposing truths to exist in our lives at the same time.
To step out of black and white thinking out of all, or nothing, thinking into a space where you’re allowing for your wholeness as a human imperfect and happy and sad and frustrated and great and patient and mean, and all of the, all of the things, all of the emotions, all of the experiences we want, all of you.
We want all of you to be able to show up every day it’s in our wholeness and in our imperfection that we are our best selves. That is what we are made of. We are created with everything and all of it can be useful. And all of it, even if the only reason that we have some emotions are to learn, to experience those emotions and learn to manage them well and learn to sit in discomfort and learn to be an example of how opposition and trials can allow us to grow.
They’re all worth it.
I believe that all of these things, all of the things we experience, all of these opposing and paradoxical emotions and experiences can serve us. They can be for our good.
That the universe can be conspiring in our favor. I really think that that’s true. And it’s something that the more open and allowing and accepting I am of the different truths and experiences and emotions that come into my life. The more readily I’m able to use them for my benefit.
I want to invite you to give this a try and tell me how it goes. Send me a message on Instagram or head to the show notes and leave a comment. And if you have a question about, if you come up against a time where you think I don’t, I don’t think this is true. Let’s chat. Let’s talk about it. I’d love to hear.
I hope that this word swap, it brings magic connection and love into your life. And I hope that you have a wonderful week. Let me close the show by just telling you thank you so much for being here. It means so much to me. If you are affected by the show, make sure you share it with a friend or leave a five star review on iTunes. I have a great giveaway happening in September. So leave a five star review. You’ll be automatically entered to win, and I can’t wait to share more with you next week. Same time, same place. See you later.
