Today is my 40th birthday! In honor of my 40th birthday I’m going to give myself one of those all about me questionnaires. I think that introspection or answering questions about yourself that give you a chance to reflect and to think is so important. It’s so great.

Introspection through Journaling

My husband and I were talking about this recently because I have a big family and I have a bunch of sisters who I love dearly, and we all go through things and process things a little bit differently. I recognized that I’ve been processing my life in real time from the time I was little because I was a journal keeper.

I started a journal when I was eight years old in third grade. I did those daily journal prompts as part of like being in Miss Biggler’s third grade class at Howard R. Driggs Elementary in Salt Lake City, Utah. I still have that little spiral bound, you know, fat like where the letters are, like an inch tall each because of the lines on the page. She taught us through these daily journal prompts, how to think about questions.

She’d write a question on the board, and we would write a couple sentences about it. That easily transferred for me into starting to keep a daily diary at home. And for many years it was daily. For times at different seasons, it was a few times a week.

I have journals from age 8 until 25 in regular journals and all the highs and lows and insight and frustrations and joys and hopes and dreams and relationships. I recorded it all and in that process was reflecting and becoming self-aware and gaining insight into my own understanding. I, of course, around the time that I got married, I put down my journaling. The time that I normally spent journaling became like hangout with my husband time.

And luckily around the same time I started keeping a regular blog. So, my blog sort of replaced my journal. And then I’m going to say that this podcast, in some ways has replaced my blog. So even though my journaling and memory keeping, and reflections aren’t in the same format that they were a decade ago, or two decades ago, or when I was eight and 10 years old, I have embedded self-awareness and reflection and processing of my life into the regular rituals that I keep.

I do have some fun journals that I keep for my kids. I’m a little bit behind, but as I was preparing for my birthday, it, I was reminded of my daughter’s birthday. She turned nine in December, and I took her out to lunch for her birthday.

And while we were sitting at lunch, I did a questionnaire with her, a birthday questionnaire, and I asked her all these fun questions to then go home and transcribe into her birthday book. She has a promptly journal These “from- birth-to-18-years-old” journals where you can, especially on birthdays, you know, there’s like a little section for each year and you can answer the prompts to kind of help you record even if it’s just once a year, a little bit of your children’s life. I love that idea.

As I was thinking about my own 40th birthday coming up, I thought maybe I’ll answer some of these birthday type questions. CLICK HERE FOR THE FREE PDF OF THE QUESTIONS.

Segment: Pause for a Poem

Before I get. 40 for 40 questions. I thought that I would share a quick pause for a poem.

I want to apologize to all the women I have called pretty before I’ve called them intelligent or brave. I am sorry. I made it sound as though something as simple as what you’re born with is the most you must be proud of when your spirit has crushed mountains. From now on, I will say things like, you are resilient, or You are extraordinary. Not because I don’t think you’re pretty, but because you are so much more than that.

Rupi Kaur from Milk and Honey.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE 40 QUESTIONS PDF PRINTABLE!

Questions for Turning 40

1. What did you do this year that you’ve never done before?

The first thing that came to mind for me was that I smoked vegetables on my barbecue. We had a ton of tomatoes at the end of the season this year, and I called my dad to ask him about his favorite salsa recipe.

He shared a recipe by hay grill hay that I will link in the show notes, and I turned my regular whipper grill into a smoker using a couple simple tools, and it was great.

The other two things that came to mind are a Korean spa experience. If you’ve never been to Korean spa, you’ll have to look it up. It is phenomenal and I love it, and I keep telling all my friends that they need to come with me. There’s a couple up in the DC area that’s the closest that we have one to where I live, so hopefully I will have another Korean spa experience in my 40th year.

And I also started graduate school. That was something I had never done.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions?

This is where I check in on 4 for 40. Last year, I made the goal of being able to play 4 guitar songs, going camping 4times, being able to do 4 pull-ups and volunteering for 40 hours.

My update is this: I can play four songs on the guitar. I just don’t do it super well. It was a fun experience to pull the guitar out more this year than I had in years past.

I can do about two and a half pullups, and I have been working hard on it, but I’m still not quite to four unassisted pullups.

I went camping three and a half times. Having this as a goal encouraged us to go camping more, and we spent a lot of time outside. A half is because we went out and didn’t stay overnight because it was a torrential downpour. And after having dinner at the camp realizing that it wasn’t even going to be fun to set up the tent, we turned around and went home.

And my 40 hours of volunteer I was hoping would be in some sort of concrete, like official way. And I did a lot of volunteer hours with church and providing services to friends and just like general good. However, I did not do 40 official hours of service anywhere, and I’m going to consider whether I’m going to re-up this one or figure out a way to manage my generosity in time giving.

3. Did anyone close to me give birth this year?

Yes. I had a couple friends have babies this year, and it was fun. A couple close friends, a couple acquaintance friends, and I was able to, at least the ones who lived nearby to deliver new mom meals. And it’s been a little while since I’ve had friends close to me have babies, so it felt really fun.

4. Did anyone close to you pass away?

And this was a unique year as well, that I did have a couple people close to me pass away. One of them was my grandfather who turned 104 in March and passed away in April. That was a beautiful, long life well lived. The other was my young nephew who passed away unexpectedly, and it was not a long life. It was a short life well-lived. He was a light of our lives. It was an interesting and difficult experience and will continue to have repercussions I think for a long time within our family.

There are many years of my life that I could answer this question. No, no one really close to me passed away, and it was, and I’m grateful for those years and for the tenderness and sweetness of being able to draw closer to family through the losses that we experienced.

5. What city, states or countries did you visit?

This is always a fun question for me, and I loved going through and getting kind of a read on my year. I celebrated my birthday by going to Porto, Portugal last year. The day after my birthday, I hopped on a plane with Dave and spent a week there for spring break.

We took the kids to Cancun, Mexico and had such a beautiful relaxing spring break. I went to Utah a couple times. I went to Washington, DC a couple times for weekend trips, which was so fun. I got to celebrate the wedding of a couple good friends out in Huntington Beach, California, and loved the time I spent there. I also got to celebrate my friend’s daughter’s wedding in Chapel Hill, South Carolina. Spent some time there.

I hosted grownup summer camp in beautiful New Castle, Virginia, which is fun. And then we also went camping a few times in Stokesville, Virginia.

I drove up to Akron, Ohio for a tattoo convention to get a tattoo from an artist who I really admired. I spent a couple weekends in Philadelphia for school. I spent a wonderful whirlwind weekend in New York City with one of my friends to see a Broadway show.

Creative Camp in the fall was in Isle of Palm, South Carolina on the beach and it was gorgeous. And then I went to Calgary, Canada last month for school. So, a really great year of travel.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?

This one made me think for a second, and then I settled on was sewing projects. I shared last week about vital signs that I’ve been getting my hands dirty a little bit again in crafting and sewing and house projects and realized how vital those things have been for me, and I set them down last year. I’m excited to do some sewing projects this year.

7. If you had the year off next year, what would you do with your time?

The first thing that came to mind for me is start a new company. I don’t know what it means about my life right now that I keep having fun ideas for companies and nonprofit organizations.

Every couple of days I tell Dave about a new idea, so maybe I’d dig into one of those. I also would love to move abroad. Go for a year and just really embed a new, new culture.

I want to write another book. I think that I’m going to try to do that, anyway, starting at the end of this year with my capstone project for school. If I had a full year off, I think I would really dive in.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

And mine, hands down, was finishing the first semester of graduate school alive. That sounds dramatic, but we had so many unexpected unforeseen circumstances that really made my day-to-day life exceptionally difficult.

And in addition to that, I was in school in this program that was super rigorous, and I more than once thought, “This isn’t the right time. I need to put it down. Do I email someone? How do I put this program on pause?” And combining the support of my husband and you know, my real desire to continue. I made it through and feel so well accomplished.

It wasn’t the school itself. It was continuing to do this thing that I had chosen in the face of a lot of other unexpected difficulties and coming out the other end stronger for it.

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?

And the first thing that came to mind for me was my hope at formal volunteering. For what it’s worth I’ve had a couple years of thinking it’d be great to be involved with a community project or a nonprofit organization. as part of like, nestling myself into where I live, into a cause that I believe in. And while I am supportive in a lot of different ways of causes that matter to me, I still haven’t found that place that I really want to volunteer regularly.

10. What hardships did you face this year?

I just mentioned a few health challenges within my family, losses in my family mental health challenges that are not things that I’ve expected or encountered before on a regular basis. I also had some injuries and illnesses. I cut my finger open last year when I was trying to repair an antique dining room chair and had to go get stitches. I hadn’t had stitches in a long time, so that was interesting and, and a little bit tricky.

I had some mental health issues that I faced in a new way this year that with a good coach and therapy and lots of other self-care practices was, was able to maintain some level of coping.

11. Did you suffer illness or injury?

So here goes, I have Achilles tendonitis. That is an ongoing injury that I sustained about four or five months ago, and it continues to plague me. I’ve been to the PT you know, do different exercises. I have a support for it, and I probably need to go back and, and see what we can do to speed this process up a little bit, or at least know that I’m on the right track.

As far as recovery from that injury, I just got over COVID last week and I also have an appointment to have a mole removed. I have lots of freckles and have had probably a handful, five or so pre-cancerous cells removed over the last decade and a half, and I have another one. So, I go in every six months for a skin check.

For those of you who haven’t seen a dermatologist lately, this is your reminder to go get your skin checked of a couple biopsies. One came back abnormal, and so I am scheduled to go have that dug out and stitched up in the next couple weeks.

12. What is what was the best thing you bought last year?

A few came to mind, so I’m going to share four.

One is my bird feeder and I talked about that last week on the podcast. I’ll link it again in the show notes. I’ve had it up for a couple months and it’s totally transformed my experience in my living room because I get to see these piles of birds come in every day. I love it so much.

Number two is ClareV fanny pack, which I’ve also shared in the peaks of the week. It’s kind of nice with the segments, I update you on things that I like that I’m buying regularly. So, I really love my ClareV fanny pack. I use it every single day and I’m excited about it.

I also fell in love with my OSEA oil. OSEA was a sponsor of the podcast and I had used their products before a couple years ago, and when they sponsored the show, they sent over another little box of things to try, and I fell absolutely head over heels for two of their products.

One of them is a hyaluronic acid for your face. It’s kind of like a gel that you put on and it’s amazing. And then the one that I use multiple times a day is the Undaria Algae Oil. after the one they had sent me, ran out. I bought a big one and I use it for my face day and night. I use it for my hands and for my body as well.

It is the most luxurious feeling. Delightfully scented oil. I’m obsessed with it, and I probably still have a. Coupon code that works for that. So, if you go to the discounts page, easy links on Instagram or on my blog, you can find, I think it’s a 15% off for that oil.

The other thing that came to mind was some Heirloom Roses. I am really excited to dig in a little further to gardening and landscaping in our new house this year. One of the things that I did at the kind of, I guess mid-summer last year was plant some roses. I planted two from a local nursery, and then I bought three varieties from Heirloom Roses online and they are so beautiful. I’m really excited to see them grow and bloom again this year.

My grandmother had roses all along her fence line, and I think I took for granted how beautiful and luxurious it felt to have a yard filled with roses and how delightful it smelled, and we’d go pick the petals off. I’ve realized that I really love roses and I’m excited to have a little mini rose garden, even though we have just a small city lot.

My heirloom roses brought me a lot of joy last year, and I am excited to continue to plant in my little rose garden.

13. What relationship surprised you this year?

The first thing that came to mind was my relationship with my cat Olive.

I didn’t know how much of a cat person I was because we had never had cats before. I never had them growing up. When we rescued a couple kittens during the pandemic, I quickly fell in love with kittens– because who doesn’t love kittens? They’ve grown into these amazing cats and in particular, Olive is so lovely.

She is like my lap buddy. She sits on my lap. She naps on my chair. She snuggles with me at night, and I miss her when she’s gone. Like if she’s in another room and I’m going to bed, I kind of want to call her to me. Cats don’t work exactly like that. She comes around when she wants to, but I have been really surprised by the depth of my relationship with all of them.

14. Something you want to do that seems impossible?

I kind of want to quit social media. There. I said it. I’ve been thinking about it for years and it’s just so interconnected with so many of the things that matter a lot to me, like connecting to other women, running a business that thrives, being able to share and educate and, and impact all of that.

And, it’s such a drain. Sometimes it’s emotionally draining. It feels very performative a lot of the time. And I have daydreams where I live in a world where I’m don’t participate in Instagram at all, and my life feels delightful.

I don’t know exactly how to experiment with that without burning down what I’ve built for the last 15 years. Being able to connect to people that matter to me. I have great friends that I only really spend time with online and commenting and knowing about their lives.

That’s a hard truth, that it seems impossible, and I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do with it or how my relationship with it will change, but there it is. I’m sure some of you have felt that way before in your life as well.

15. Where did most of your money go last year?

My honest answer is sweet potato fries and Diet Cokes. I started a thing with my good friend that we called Fries and Cries, and I don’t know, last year was just a rough one for me. I don’t know how it was for all of you.

I’m hoping that 40 will, you know, bring with it some delight that I didn’t experience last year. I had lots of fries and cries last year. I appreciated being able to connect with friends in times of trouble and sadness and grief and you know, unexpected turmoil. So, I mean, that’s probably not on a spreadsheet.

If I looked at it, it probably wouldn’t be sweet potato French fries and Diet Cokes, but that’s what it feels like. I spent a lot of money on last year and, hey, no regrets at all.

16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Easy answer birds. I fell in love with birds last year. I knew that I liked them.

This became a next level relationship when I bought my bird-oculars and when I got my backyard birding book and when I started marking down the different birds that I recognized in my backyard and on walks and out at the beach, and it’s been so fun. Feels like something that I stepped into and remembered rather than, you know, that popped up new, brand new for me and I’m excited to continue this relationship.

17. What song will always remind you of this last year?

Lizzo, About Damn Time. This song feels like this last year to me. My kids sing it. We would turn it on. It became sort of like a little bit of an anthem when we needed one, and I super appreciate it.

18. Compared to this time last year, are you:
19. Happier or sadder?

I’m going to say happier.

2. More or less hopeful?

I’m going to say more.

3. More connected to family and friends, or less?

I’m going to say more.

While I was in Salt Lake over the holidays, I went to dinner with a couple of my best, best friends, my oldest best friends’ girls that I’ve known since I was 12 and 13 years old.

We were sitting down and chatting, and I was sharing with them some of the things that I’ve learned in school this year. And one kind of sad bit of data. It’s like funny/sad. The trajectory of one’s satisfaction and happiness over their lives starts declining in their late teens and steadily declines until it sorts of bottoms out in your forties to fifties, and then it starts to rise again in your sixties and rises again until your mid-seventies, and then it kind of splits to either slowly declining until you die, or slowly getting better until you die from 75 ish.

This data was shared by Arthur Brooks, who is a professor at Harvard. He was giving a presentation on positive aging. So, I was sharing this with my girlfriends, and we were laughing about how we’ve like–bottomed out! Our forties to fifties is going to be our lowest level of happiness of like our whole lives.

That doesn’t mean that it isn’t without meaning and satisfaction and purpose and you know, moments of joy, but especially for people who have kids and maybe are raising teenagers in their forties and fifties. And I’m not throwing any shade towards teenagers, just that the research shows data shows that it’s a stressful time of life.

And then once you emerge, you know, in your sixties, a lot of folks have kids that have flown the nest. A lot of people are more stable in their careers or jobs, more financially secure than they were earlier in their lives, and things sort of get a little smoother from there on out. We were laughing together about this, about here we are, like in the trough.

We can see ourselves in the trough for, you know, the next 10 years. However, even within the stress of life being what it is right now in this stage of my life, I acknowledge that a lot of things are hard about this stage of life and that there’s still so much joy and happiness to be found when you’re looking out for it.

There are a lot of factors that are controllable and there’s a lot of perspectives that are optional, and my hope is that I can continue to choose those perspectives, continue to choose solutions and optimism and joy during sometimes. Things can be difficult, even while I’m accepting and acknowledging what I can’t change, I move can through those difficult things and continue to seek joy.

19. What do you wish you had done more of last year?

Easy answers are going on outside walks, gardening, and letting myself do more home projects. For whatever reason, I decided I was going to sort of give myself a break on renovation and home decor design because when we moved it had been what I had been doing full-time for the four years before that.

And I think I needed a little bit of a mental break with this move. I may have bent the spoon too far in the opposite direction and kind of over-corrected to where there were things that I wanted to do and that were kind of bothering me that I wasn’t doing. And yet I had kind of committed mentally to this idea of not doing that as much.

And so, I didn’t. Just a good reminder to allow myself to be flexible and if I feel like doing something, even if I had decided that I, it was okay for me to not to not stress myself out. If it feels energizing and exciting and fun, then it’s okay for me to go ahead and do those things.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Again, easy answer: scrolling on Instagram, which is probably not surprising given my answer about wanting to quit social media in its entirety. Sometimes I don’t even spend very much time on Instagram, especially not compared to five or 10 years ago even.

I’m trying to find the place for it in my life where it feels connective, positive, and strategic instead of comparative, mindless, and numbing.

21. How will you be spending Christmas this year?

I think that we’re going to try to spend it at home this year. We went to Utah to be with family last year, and we have a big summer adventure planned, so I think this year we will be home for Christmas.

22. Did you fall in love this year?

I really appreciate this question. My answer is yes, absolutely. I fell in love, not only further in love with my partner, but I fell a little bit more in love with my life. I felt a little bit more in love with bird watching. I fell in love with pieces of myself that I’m learning to accept.

I think falling in love is continual process and something that I want to choose to do as often as possible.

23. What is something you’ve moved on from that you were into last year?

This one took me a while because I don’t tend to be much of a trend follower in general. The thing that I settled on was I’ve moved on from minimalism as a social position.

I guess I’ve moved on from minimalism as an identity. I fully believe in the practice of choosing less and choosing better and being mindful and intentional about the things that we bring into our home, things that we let go of, how we organize and, and all the things that maybe I would’ve considered practical minimalism a few years ago.

I think that it becomes easy to measure ourselves against this. and regardless of what that identity is, I think sometimes putting we in the in a box of identity of a particular identity can be more constrictive than helpful. So that’s something that I’ve noticed that I was making decisions sometimes based on the identity of a minimalist more than on what I truly wanted or desired or felt good about.

And so being able to just tuck that away and say, I can practice all the different. values and beliefs that I have without needing to have a particular identity around them. That feels helpful and good for now.

24. What was your favorite show last year?

I have two: Ted Lasso has been my favorite show the last couple years, and I really liked White Lotus. I’m a little bit embarrassed about how much I liked it. I saw the first episode; it was kind of weird.

Delta Airlines had the second episode available on a flight that I was on over the holidays, so I watched episode two of season one and. Kind of feels like being a fly on the wall of a bunch of different people’s conversations.

Like if you have a little bit of a voyeur streak, it, it’s kind of fun to feel like you’re just tapping into conversations that you wouldn’t otherwise be privy to it. It’s also beautifully shot and kind of funny, interesting writing. So, I enjoyed White Lotus and I really liked Ted Lasso, and I’m looking forward to the new seasons of both of those coming up. I don’t watch a ton of tv, but when I do I like it a lot.

25. What was the best book you read?

I have a couple. The first one is Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown’s Encyclopedia of Emotion. I found it fascinating and really interesting and inspiring.

Number two is, I guess I haven’t learned that yet by Shauna Nyquist. It’s a memoir. Beautiful writing and a book that I found myself nodding along to and feeling like I was not alone in the world in some of the thoughts and ideas that I’ve had.

The third favorite book that I read this year is Mary Magdalene Revealed. I have been really, really interested in early Christianity, early apostleship, some of the apocryphal, scriptural texts women in Christianity, particularly Mary Magdalene. I really fallen in love with her even more this year as I’ve learned more about her, and this was a great introduction to some of that

26. What was your great musical discovery this year?

My great musical discovery of the year was Brandy Carlisle. I had heard of her, and you know, sung along with a couple of her songs without really being invested and a friend had an extra ticket to a concert, so I went ahead and bought that ticket, bought another one so that Dave could come with me, and because I had a concert on the horizon, I went all in.

I downloaded so much of her music, and I just listened along, and it felt like home to me. I love folk music. I appreciate these meaningful lyrics and stories and harmonies, and it was fun to feel like I was finding a long-lost friend in Brandy Carlisle.

27. What was your favorite film of the year?

My favorite film this last year I just saw a couple weeks ago, and I highly recommend it to every person. It’s called Women Talking. It’s nominated for Academy Awards coming up, and it is one of the most poignant films I have seen. It echoed it with truths that I have thought and experienced in a way that I don’t remember in recent history.

Another film doing. It’s really a, a difficult watch and I think partly because of that, it’s important, so I’m want everyone to see it so we can all talk about it because women Talking is really an important movie.

28. What is your favorite meal?

My favorite meal was breakfast tacos at Cocodrilo, which if you live here in Richmond, you know Cocodrilo was this cool restaurant on Libbie & Grove that had a random shift in the last month.

I don’t know why if it’s new ownership or a new chef or something. They took this concept of upscale Mexican food and totally transformed it, and now it’s called Bar West and it’s. Like regular bar food. I guess we are going to go try it out today slated for my birthday lunch is to go try out Bar West, but I loved Cocodrilo breakfast tacos, so hopefully I’ll be able to find something else kind of like those.

You know, Torchy’s opened here so I can get breakfast tacos at Torchy’s anytime, which is also wonderful.

My other favorite meal. I referred to this earlier, but sweet potato fries and a chicken grinder with a Diet Coke at The Continental, also in the Libbie & Grove neighborhood, and one of my favorite places that I discovered this last year. In January last year was the first time I went to the Continental, and it’s up high on my list of regulars.

29. What did you want and get?

Okay. Here’s a few things that I wanted and got. I wanted to get into graduate school, and I was over the moon, thrilled that I got in, and I’m in the middle of that. I wanted a ClareV fanny pack, and I bought one for myself in the fall. I wanted some cool stacked converse, like double high converse, and so for my spring summer wardrobe, I added that to my list and I’ve been wearing them nonstop.

I wanted some waterproof jewelry that I could wear on all the time and not have it tarnish. I had some beautiful gold-filled jewelry that I had invested in thinking that that would live up to my lifestyle standard. I put on jewelry, and I don’t take it off like ever until it breaks off.

So, right now I have one beautiful little, tiny dainty permanent bracelet. Perfect for me because it went on with a little solder dot and I can’t take it off. I mean, it’s, it’s stuck on me until it falls off. It’s a little solid gold chain. And I had worn these beautiful gold-filled necklaces some layered necklaces for about two years.

Truly not taking them off like maybe twice in the two years. And they were just getting. tarnish looking. I would try to clean them. They just didn’t look sparkly. I saw Hey Harper pop up on my Instagram feed as an advertisement. I’m sure that Instagram was reading my mind and following my thoughts around as I was thinking about how I could use this lifestyle proof jewelry.

And so, I went ahead and ordered the same style of necklaces, similar style, like one just lay down flat chain and one pendant necklace that I could wear layered and leave on all the time. And I’ve been thrilled with them. I’ve had them I guess almost a year now. And so maybe I bought them for myself for my birthday last year.

That would’ve been nice of me. They really have stood up to chlorine, to diving in lakes, to shower, to lotion, to all the stuff that, like my actual lifestyle. I put them on and very, very rarely take them off, and I really like them. I wanted those and I got them.

I also really wanted a tropical vacation. I’m so happy that we decided to kind of bite the bullet and take our family to Mexico for spring break. We stayed in a great little all-inclusive resort in Cancun and just relaxed in the sunlight for six days, and that was exactly what I had wanted and needed last spring.

30. What did you want and not get?

These are such interesting questions. I think, because so many things could fall into one of these categories. Something that I wanted and didn’t get yet, I’m going to add the yet to all these things.

I wanted to put built-in cabinets in the dining room in this new house, and I’ve mentioned I was kind of putting a bunch of house projects on hold for lots of different reasons, just constraints in bandwidth, financial time, energy, emotional bandwidth. I think I’m ready to kind of step back into some of those projects and so that’s very high on my list. I haven’t yet put in built-in cabinets in the dining room.

I would like to, I also wanted, and haven’t yet gotten a chaise lounge for my primary bedroom where I sit and read and relax and chat with Dave. I don’t want to put a traditional couch in. I’d love to have a very cozy lounge chair and Six Penny Home has the one that I want. It’s just quite expensive, so it’s something that I’m going to save up for and eventually add to our bedroom.

I also wanted and did not yet get a bookkeeper for my business. I keep my own books. I use, you know, software and everything. I just don’t love it. So, if you know a small business bookkeeper or are one, I prefer to hire women when possible. There’s my call for a bookkeeper.

31. What did you do on your birthday last year?

On my birthday, we had a family breakfast. I went to the gym. I had tacos for lunch. I went and got a mani-pedi with my mom who was in town to watch our children when Dave and I went to Portugal on our trip, we had breakfast for dinner, which is our Valentine’s Day tradition.

We had our book Valentine’s Day Breakfast for dinner on my birthday for dinner because we would be gone on Valentine’s Day itself. And that was all fun. It was everything that I wanted to do.

This year, I already have made my birthday plan, so while you’re listening to this, I’m probably either getting breakfast in bed at the gym or having a spa afternoon.

I’m going to do a sauna session, get a massage and a facial, and then go to lunch at Bar West. I’m going to go on a walk and do some bird watching, have dinner with the family at Torchy’s Tacos, and then we’re going to go do a family escape room, which is something that we’ve done a couple different times with pieces of our family for different events, and I’m excited to do one with the whole family this year to just solve a fun puzzle and have some family.

32. What is one thing that would’ve made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

This is such a good question. The things I came up with were all sort of passes type things. Like a monthly massage pass would be really satisfying. A musical alarm clock that like has some beautiful, lovely music to wake up to. Maybe a backyard sauna is on my wish list of something that would make life immeasurably more satisfying.

I also wrote therapy. I have done therapy and I have a great coach, and I think continuing to do therapy and doing it regularly and often can increase satisfaction across all your areas of life. And maybe a yoga pass.

I loved doing hot yoga when I was in Utah for Christmas with my sister, and I haven’t done it here in Richmond. I think that could make life really satisfying too. I’m so curious if you’re, you know, thinking about how you would answer these questions, what would make life immeasurably more satisfying for you?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of the year?

This was easy for me. Pants that fit comfortably. I am fully on board with wearing pants that fit comfortably. A couple pairs of my pants haven’t been super comfortable, both because of my body changing a little bit and the style changing a little bit.

I was pulling on like suction tight skinny jeans for the last few years, it was really relieving to say, oh my gosh, I’m going to just buy some straight leg pants that are like roomy. It’s been so comfortable, so like allowing myself to just be comfortable in my clothes that are real clothes.

Not only be comfortable in my lounge clothes, but be comfortable in my dress clothes. In my Levi’s and the things I want to wear when I go co-working or when I go to lunch with friends. That has been fun.

I have invested in a couple different pairs of very comfortable, nice, cute pants that fit my body beautifully as it is today on my 40th birthday.

34. What kept you sane this year?

Here’s my list: walking, crying, coaching and therapy. Some healthy habits like rest, sleep, and eating well. And Acceptance with a capital ‘A’ of things that I can’t change.

35. What was the best advice you received this year?

The best advice I received came from my coach, Jill, who used the phrase “transcend and include” when she was giving me some advice around moving through different changes that I was experiencing.

I don’t have to throw it all away to change. I don’t have to burn it all down and become a new person overnight. I can day by day, transcend my current reality and include things that have benefited me in the past. I can bring all the good with me through all the changes that I go through, transcend…and include.

That has felt powerful for me, and I have thought about it and used it regularly.

36. What political issues stirred you the most?

My simple answer is bodily autonomy. There’s a lot more to say about that, on a different day.

37. Who did you miss?

What an interesting question.

My answer is myself. Pieces that have rubbed off in the tumult of the past couple years.

I think this upcoming year is going to be one that includes some coming home to myself in ways that feel meaningful. I don’t feel totally like I’ve abandoned myself, but I did miss pieces of me things I like about myself that have been harder to reach or that I haven’t made as much space for.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

The best new person I met was a group of people: all my classmates in my Master of Applied Positive psychology program at Penn, including my instructors. It is interesting and refreshing to step into a room with 50 new people who are all destined to become colleagues and, and some of them close friends and just in the last six months.

Since beginning this program, I feel expanded by meeting this new group of people.

39. What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?

This is more like a life lesson that I remembered this year, and it’s going to sound cliche, but it’s worth saying again. We regret the things that we don’t do more and more often than having regret for what we do.

Go for the things that you want. Make the mistakes. It’s better to make the mistakes than to not try. You count yourself out before you’ve begun. When you don’t allow yourself to reach for those goals, to dream big and to move in those directions.

I felt more hesitation this last year than I have in a while, and I regret some of those things that I didn’t just go for. I much prefer to go for it and learn from it and put it back down if I need to than to not try at all.

40. What is a quote that sums up your year?

Rather than a quote, I wanted to share a final poem to end out this episode.

Things my Girlfriends Teach Me by Kate Baer

When in doubt, try it on. Keep it simple. Don’t waste time worrying if they will see you from behind. No one on this entire Earth cares more about your life than you. Eat a breakfast. Find a God. Make a casserole to freeze. If you’re walking on a deserted road, send me your location. You don’t need a straw. Drink more water. Fold your sweaters. This is the time to buy a hat. When life throws you a bag of sorrow, hold out your hands. Little by little, mountains are climbed.